I’m probably picking the wrong glasses...

Just a thought of someone who felt his life has been spectacularly fallen into pieces.

Is this would be another melodramatic post talking about my tragic life? No. Well, not really. I would try to sound a bit optimistic here.

I must announce that, I myself hereby crown (the beginning) of 2011 as the year of rejection, failure and cowardness.

The whole tragedy start in late March when Gramedia Pustaka Utama returned my novel with a rejection letter. It said that my novel didn’t quite match the program of the publisher. I don’t really get this meaning of they so-called program but I then concluded they won’t publish “The Rich and The Lucky One”.

After that bitter rejection, I struggle to re-awake from one of the most miserable self-pity I ever had. I’ve been writing since I was 12. When I sent the script to GPU last November, I have no doubt that I would finally become an author. I keep telling myself: Be prepare Joe. Here comes the fame. Sadly, no fame was coming but the rejection. Furthermore, I’ve been trying to amuse myself by thinking: “Such great script like Harry Potter had been dumped for hundred times. The publisher often didn’t realize that they just had ‘The New It- Novel’ on their hands until it blew up like an atomic bomb in other publishers production”

It sounded so optimistic and full-of-fight at first. You know what happened next? I never touch my novel for a month and refused to write anything even my name. I felt like the cowardest author-wannabe ever lived!

One of my friend Sata was asking me to join the faculty magazine in last December. He came by last April and remind me about my duty as journalist/editor on that magazine. With an extra support from the editor in chief; Glen, I finally braved enough to start writing articles. I got several jobs for designing logo. That was a relieving moments – I was resigned from Nine.Inc, the company I’ve joined for a year.

You know what people say: “When you feel like your life is all good, then you should start worry about it...”

Nah, it happened to me either.

Everything was back in track. I got a job and I write again. The cherries didn’t end up there. I got offer for scholarship from Kompas Gramedia group. Honestly I doubted whether to sign up or not, as I’m planning to take Master Program abroad after I graduated. Shortly, I did sign up. I made a different CV – designer look-like – with big hope that the committee would be impressed. They did impressed, I should admit. I see their eyes sparked when read my CV.

Today I got news that my name is not in the list of new employee.

What happened?

Well, sadly shits happened. I fucked up the interview, I should say. It didn’t really went like I want. Let’s just say, I was being a braggart. Over confidence some may say. That was why the interview only take about 3 minutes (yes, 3 MINUTES!) The interviewer obviously bored with my heroic answers and thus dumped me out of the league just before I left the room. End of story. Goodbye.
Today, my fella Angel was shouting of surprise while we were having lunch in the canteen as she got informed about her acceptance to that program. Can you imagine how I feel? Angel is a very nice girl and I’m happy for her. Then the outrageous moments happened. As the list was distribute through BBM and I don’t have one, I asked her to check my name. Yes, after triple check, Joseph Reinaldo is in the list of the dumpsters.

My friends congratulated Angel for her acceptance. When they turned to me, their smiles became larger – they all know that it is impossible I’m not in list. But the fact I’m not. Most of the applicants are make it, the rest didn’t. Just imagine how painful that was (and would) be, to tell everyone I know that I’m not picked as they congratulated my other friends.

I’m the biggest looser!

I was so down of this rejection. I gathered up with  my buddies in the library by mid-day. Former intention: To discuss Experimental Art Final Project. What was happened: counseling session.
Here when the funny things happened.

When I share my feelings with both Ben and Harsono, I never imagine that they would pay serious attention to it. Ray does, but I don’t think Ben and Harsono do. Surprisingly, they care. With their boyish way, they tell me a totally different perspective. A new, innovative one that brought my smile back again.

As I shared this burden to some fellas, they keep telling me the same advice: Be patient Joe. Life is like a wheel. You won’t stay at the bottom forever. You don’t pass the interview because you were being over-conceited of yourself, but be thankful that now you have realized your problem. New time you should do better. Bla-bla-bla, all the same craps that certainly didn’t make me feel better but worse!

But Ben and Harsono did think different.

Harsono said:
“Honestly Joe, “ he started with his wise-look. “I don’t think there was something wrong with the interview. You told the interviewer about yourself. You were telling the honest; about the fact that you can’t work in several conditions and your confidence of getting that scholarship. Not over-confidence, really. You simply feel that you would get it because you got so many scholarships before. That’s what you told the interviewer. At least you were not pokerfacing, telling the interviewer all sweet things about working they wish to listen. You were just being you...”

I never believe such those words would come out from somebody like Harsono. (You will know why I’m saying this when you physically meet him)

“You kake it better than be. Just believe it. At least your GPA still makes you possible to get all chances for scholarship and funding – regarding to mine...” He smiled. 

Oh! I love this guy.

I ask Ben. “Ben, do you think I could make it? Scholarship for S2?”

“Of course you would. You see bro...” He laugh a lot even in explaining serious issue. “ It all wouldn’t end up here. Besides, Kompas Gramedia is not the only place you have to work on. You could, you know, develop yourself more. Brighter chances will come, all you need to do just keep trying without boring... I believe you simply deserve better opportunity than this one...”

I love you man!

This is one of the basic function of having your boys around. Doesn’t mean that I’m taking advatage on them. I lust love the way they support me. It’s honest and yes, it works. They lift me up.
Their words would cheered me up in upcoming days. 

It is not all about rejection. It’s all depend how you call it: rejection or wrong choice. If you take it as rejection, thus you’re calling yourself a dumpster, nobody wants you. You are being rejected. End of story, goodbye. But if you simply consider it as wrong choice, certainly the right one will come. It’s all the matter of time. As a now-believer, I should say that our lifes are already managed by God. He’s the ultimate manager, you should not doubt it. It often hard for us to see the hidden ways, things often look harsh and painful. It simply tells us not to go throught that way, because there’ a better, fine plus righty way to go through.

Don’t stop believing! 

A good someone deserved good things. 

It happens to me in the past. I have no reason to doubt it not to happen in my current situation.
All righty...
Big smile! :D

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